Monday, March 28, 2011

What is Normal???

Ok bloggy buddies I need your input here...and yes there will be lots of questions! I know that the running joke is that "Runners are different!" but I am wondering...."What is normal?"

Where is this coming from you may ask....well I have been really struggling my emotions lately between being a Mom and wife and being a runner. My whole life I have been a competitor and it easily transferred to my running. Each year though it seems to grow....a new challenge, new pr, new distance to conquer. I know that from reading so many of your blogs that I am not alone but when the two worlds collide (running and being a mommy &/or wifey) what do you do?
How do you show your family that they are important to you and still run as much as we do...races every month, long runs every weekend...???

Running these past years have taught me so much more about myself than I have ever known. It has shown me an inner strength that I never knew I had and has given me an identity outside of being a Mom and wife. I praise God for each of these roles and they each give me great joy which is what makes me feel guilty to also praise Him for the way running makes me feel.

I struggle to explain this to my hubby who feels the most burden by my running and racing schedule. He posed this question to me this weekend and I it has really made me think a lot about it. "Is it normal to run and race this much?"

What do you think? We are all women...strong women and whether or not you have children I know that your running impacts someone you care about dearly. We train, we race, we run, we strive to do better and better to reach that pr, we push ourselves to the limit only to finish and plan for the next....is this normal and if so how do you explain it to your loved ones?

Edit note: My hubby is in support of me running it is just the amount that I have gotten to that is becoming a struggle to balance.

10 comments:

  1. Wow! That is a big question. I am a SAHM with 4 kiddos. I started running last year (January) to deal with some mommy anxiety and the feeling that I kind of lost myself to taking care of everyone else. When my husband is feeling overwhelmed he will occasionally make a comment about my running or racing, but most of the time he is okay with it. I think that he knows that my family needs me to do this as much as I need to do it. (hence my 10 year old asking when i will be back on my running schedule because I was acting really grouchy.) Now on that note, he doesn't get doing a marathon because he thinks that it is crazy to want to do that to your body or running for a PR or the crazy training. I do think that it is hard to get it if you are not a runner....this is a great post though. I can't wait to read the responses.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nancy, if I could give you a big hug right now, I would! I wish I also had an answer. While I don't have kids yet, I do have a husband, and I was most definitely NOT a runner when we met or even when we got married. For me, it has not been too bad because my husband and I both agree that we need time to do "our" things - by ourselves, or with friends, or whatever, because we believe it makes our relationship healthier to have separate interests. I have more than once expressed my concern about having time to run and race when we have kids, and he assures me that we will figure out a way to fit it into our lives somehow. How exactly, though, remains to be seen...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't have kids yet, but this is sometimes a struggle just between my husband and I. He was really, really not supportive of my goal to run every day for a year. That was the main reason I have put that goal on hold (maybe for a long, long time). I don't race a lot because we live about an hour from any cities where races are held on a regular basis and he is not a big fan of planning vacations and weekends around races. (He did fly to Iowa with me for my marathon and to visit my grandparents so I really can't complain.) It did help a lot when my husband started running last year and kind of "caught the bug." Unfortunately, he never raced and has since stopped running regularly. He does seem to be a little more "forgiving" now though of my running, but isn't quite happy about me running longer distances. I actually try to not talk about/emphasize my running a lot to my husband. I usually don't tell him I'm going on a long run- just sneak out early on a Saturday morning and say "Just out for a run" (even if it's been 10, 12, or 14 miles) when he asks where I was when I get back and wake him up.

    I'm interested to hear others' responses too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nancy-this is such a brave question to pose. In my first marriage my ex would freak if I left him with the kids for even 30 minutes a day to try to stay fit...but that's another story in of itself. I think the way you've noted how important it is to you and yet how much the other areas of your life matter to you should be indicative of how amazing the sport is and how much positivity it can bring. I can see the joy on your face and I haven't even seen your face. If you're not able to give quality time to your child or your hubby...then perhaps it's *too much* but if you're asking for YOU time, then really only YOU know the answer to that. I think it is a huge blessing to be with someone health minded like Ryan because he knows that running isn't about staying fit or skinny for me...it's a mental breather and a burst of fresh air for me and he's so encouraging. I really wish you the best of luck on this.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't have kids but I have had to have this discussion with ex-boyfriends and some family members. It's just really hard for them to understand if they aren't really into a hobby. I would say go easy on them and explain how happy it makes you. It's not hurting you and you aren't placing more importance on it then say...a wedding, graduation, holiday, etc. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am an avid runner, and running is a very important part of my life. I think running makes me a better person, both for myself and for people in my life. It can be difficult to find balance, and as much as I wish I did, I don't have an answer that applies to everyone universally. I'm busy working on it though! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think what is normal is to be happy. If running makes you happy and you don't feel guilty and feel that you are putting in your time with your family, then I think it's normal! It sounds like you have a great balance and are happy so I think everything is fine. For me, it's easier because I'm not working. Running is MY time away from the kids and I have no guilt. With you working, it is harder to fit it in (impressive!!!) and I feel like it would be harder for me to fit it in if working also and maybe feel bad about it but do it anyway because I would need the time to myself!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't know what normal is either....I struggle with the same thing. My husband is a competitive cyclist, so he gets the training aspect. We struggle to find a balance between who gets the Saturday morning to work out/race. Here is our typical Sat- 8:30- Ryan gone until 1:30 riding. 2-4 or 5 (or later) me running. We then get dinner on Sat night as a family. It is sort of like another workday. I am fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids, so I do most of my workouts mid week at the gym in the winter. Once the weather is warm, I will run with the kids in the stroller while he rides to get a bit more family time. It is hard. A lot of times I get a babysitter or use my mom or his mom for me to race so he can still ride on Sat with his group. I don't make him ride alone like I do to get my miles in. I have never gone out of town alone for a race, and I would really like to sometime. I am really thankful that I have really supportive friends and family that help out with the kids so I can get in a workout. I have also tried to be really flexible with my schedule since my husband's free time is a lot less. I ride the trainer indoors at night instead of riding on the road and I have to skip a lot of group workouts. Running for me is the one thing that I had before kids and after kids too, so I need it like you. We do have conflicts, mostly over race weekends and money spent on race fees (bike races are always cheaper than runs and WAY cheaper than tris), but thankfully we just figure it out or use babysitters. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  9. i don't have kids but sometimes i do feel guilty for going for a run and leaving my husband... especially this past weekend when we were on a mini-vacation and i left to go run for a bit. but he understands that i need a run sometimes or else i would be moody. i also don't run if it interferes with plans of course, and there are lots of mornings where i will turn off my alarm and roll over and cuddle a little longer.

    maybe you and your hubs could discuss your race schedule and agree on what races/how often you are racing. i think cutting back on # of races will help a lot since even just a local 5k can take up 1/2 a day.

    ReplyDelete
  10. i'm a bit late here, but here's my 2 cents...i think it's great. i had a good year of running after my daughter was born, and before my ankle issues kind of killed my motivation. but if i could run like i used to, then racing would be important to me and i would find a way to make it work. my husband is pretty neutral...he says he is supportive, but his actions and comments imply otherwise. i bet you've modified your schedule from your pre-kid life...and that's fine, but you should NOT give it up or cut back so much that you don't get what you need out of running.

    ReplyDelete