Monday Motivation

Last week I was cleared to start exercising.  If I've learned anything from my last two pregnancies it's that I can't start back at the intensity that I was at before pregnancy.  Some people can but my body has made it clear that after 3 C-Sections I need to take my time and be patient...something I have a hard time with.  So I have a plan.  Before I start pile on all the miles, my plan is to keep my mileage low and work more on building muscle first....like building a house.  You need to have a strong foundation first...this is evidenced by the fact that I hurt my back yesterday in church literally just coughing!!  I am so ready....ready to feel like myself again...ready to have my clothes fit again...ready to not feel like me walking around in a fat suit!  I'm ready and I have my plan!!  What goals are you working toward this week?  Make a plan and go get them!!!

Our Man

It's been a little over a month now and I am just now feeling like I am coming out of the haze that a new baby brings....well I'm almost out of the haze!!  I thought I would share the little man's birth story.

For me, this was a scheduled C-section due to the fact that I had had two previous C-sections and an abdominal surgery beforehand, so unfortunately there is no rushing to the hospital in the middle of the night here!  I did however a few days before think that I was in labor (cramping, back pains, etc) but no chance!  The good thing about a scheduled delivery is that we were able to solidify people to watch the girls and bring them to the hospital, and I was able to shower...and do my hair which is always a concern for us curly haired girls!!  As a side note we did have a little craziness on the way to the hospital when I realized that I had lost my wallet (with my ID and insurance card) at the movie theater the day before!!  Thankfully they held it and I was able to check in without all of it!

My biggest stress about the whole thing was actually having the C-section.  For some reason this time I was nervous.  I had a lot of family and friends praying for me which I can honestly say helped in a major way as evidenced by my steady and low heart rate during the procedure!  My husband commented that he thought his heart rate was higher than mine!  They prepped me...he came in...and then within a short amount of time we heard our little man's first cry!  Tears streamed down my face!!!  There is something magical about that moment to me...the baby who I had been talking to for the past 10 months was now talking to me!!  They brought him over and let me hold him!!!

From there they took my husband and the baby out of the room to finish up with me.  This was honestly the only time where I was nervous and honestly super uncomfortable.  This actually took over an hour!!  Because I had extensive scar tissue my doctor had to really pull and tug all over the place!  This ending up causing more pain for me than the actual C-section!  By the time I got back to my room my upper abs (from my belly button to my chest) KILLED and really was the source of all my pain in healing!

Due to the procedure I was in the hospital 4 days while my poor husband had to juggle the family at home...school, softball, field trips, you name it!  By the time we hit 4 days I was READY to go home!

I want to be completely honest about the days that followed.  I don't do this to complain but instead to paint a realistic picture.  I feel like it can be so isolating living the "Facebook age" where everything looks perfect.  You often feel like you are the only one not holding it all together!  I had originally had the plan to breastfeed.  I had tried with my other two but was never successful long-term.  I was determined this time to make it work.  I managed fine in the hospital...when it was just little man and I.

When I got home...it was mom of 3 time and for me that was a HUGE game changer!  I had support from my loving husband and also my awesome mom who came down for a week to help us with driving the kids and giving me support...I also had my awesome father-in-law who brought the girls home each day from school so I didn't have to make the 40 min drive every day!  However the thought that I was it...the only person who could feed the baby...the thought that the following week I was going to have my 4 year-old....my very very active 4 year-old home with me...and the thought that I would never be able to leave the house again without having to have a plan became so overwhelming for me.  For two days I had panic attacks and chest pains over this and in the end I decided to stop and use formula.  I know so many rockstar moms who breastfeed and my hat goes off to them honestly but for me and my mental health I just couldn't.  He is fine...growing awesome...and I'm able to feed him and love on him and not feel so much anxiety!

Life with our little man is full....it's crazy...and there are moments when I wonder if our life will ever not be a circus again, but we love him so much and can't imagine our circus without him!

The growing pains of growing our family will one day be behind us and we will have an amazing man added to our life!

Monday Motivation

I am still waiting to get the green light to work out...but that's not keeping me from making goals!  A little fun fact is that I have worn the same dress on the first day of school for the past 7 years....the same black sleeveless dress with a ruffle down the front.  Well I tried it on yesterday and let's just say I wouldn't be caught dead in it right now...plus the zipper was not too happy with me!  So there it is...I have 2 months to keep the tradition going!  I figured I could spend the next two months wishing I fit into it, or I could do something about it.

Don't quit on a dream just because of time....you can and will get there!