1. Where are the safety pins?
Well the days of hiding the bump I believe are coming to an end. Today I was digging through a drawer looking for the stash of safety pins from over 5000 friggin races....can you tell I was having trouble finding one? All of a sudden I am finding that things, mostly pants, are getting snug. I can't remember how far along I was when I started to show with Emma. I could always go back and look at her baby book. I continue to struggle with split feelings about this growing body. On one side I am honestly over-the-moon excited to be pregnant. I remember with Em just loving my belly and each day...until I saw the photos and realized people were just being nice when they said I looked great. I wouldn't say I was as bad as Jessica Simpson is now but pretty darn close! 70lbs later I know how hard it was to lose that weight and how I felt about my body. I don't want to repeat that. I don't think that I am but today's pant problem got me stressed. Maybe I need to hire a friend that can tell me to put the fork down or a nice honest, "Girl your butt is huge!"
2. My heart says yes but my legs say oh no! I'm trying really hard to compare myself with others pregnant or not but it is hard when it seems like everyone is out there killing it! The other day I went to the track in my hometown to do repeats. I did my warm-up fine and then it was time to pick up the pace...yeah it was quite different from my picked-up pace from just 3 months ago!! Same thing yesterday in running group as I trudged along watching all the fast people I not so long ago was running next to. This is something else I am trying to keep perspective about. It was a lot of work to get my speed back after Em and honestly was the fastest I have ever been. However, I know I can do it again and right now I need to be careful and that looks different for everyone. Which leads me to my last point....
3. Identity crisis...I am a runner....I push through pain and exhaustion to get the miles in and stretch myself physically. And then I became pregnant. In running group people called me the "fast girl"....well now I am thinking about joining the turtle group. Again I know it goes without saying that I am so happy to be pregnant. I have never been one of those women who God has blessed with the ability to get pregnant at will and after losing a baby last year I am ALWAYS mindful of my body and not taking things too far. This does however have me feeling like I am having a bit of an identity crisis and really finding my identity as a pregnant running mom. I know I can do it and I will be even stronger in the end....it's just making that change that has me tangled.
I know I said a lot....any advice from anyone out there who dealt with the change? I know so many of you ran pregnant....who did you mentally make that adjustment? Oh and anyone interested in applying to be my honest critic? Kind of like my own personal Clinton Kelly!