I write this post more to walk through my feelings...give a glimpse into my life beyond the sweat and family. I have not posted anything about this on social media more because I didn't know how I felt really and I, as always, want to stay respectful. No I am not posting about the election...you will never see me post here on that, sorry. I'm reflecting today on loss...
Today we bury my grandfather. My father's father passed away last week at the age of 95.
When I heard the news that my grandfather had passed away, it caught me by surprised that my first emotion was sadness. I had reflected before about how I would feel and never thought it would catch me the way it did. I think a large part of that was sadness for my own father. I was sad for him to have lost his father. The more I thought about it though I think part of me was sad for the relationship we never had...and now never will. I look at my children and how much they know and love their grandparents...how much their grandparents have invested purposefully in their lives...how going to their houses is like an extension of their own home...how they look forward to seeing them...and just how deep that love goes on both sides. I also think about my children's great-grandparents...about our youngest asking just about every day to go to Mimi's house...about how our world and their world will be rocked that day she goes to meet Jesus...about how loved I felt by my husband's grandfather and how heartbroken I felt after he passed. I think about all that love...all that support...all those prayers raised for our children each day...about the relationships there that exists. And it makes me sad...for me but also for him.
On this day I may find myself caught again feeling sad...mourning. But I am comforted to know that our girls bring light to their grandparents faces...that they are blessed by their love! I am thankful for grandparents who choose to pour their love over their grandchildren.