Reflections of 1 Year

Today is our little man's first birthday...

I can say with certainty that I had NO IDEA what this year was going to bring us.  In all truthfulness to look at it on the surface it was one of the most difficult years physically and mentally for me.  I have battled weight gain, PF, sleeplessness, postpartum depression, and just lack of time.  However if I just look at the surface I would miss the overwhelming amount of blessings that this year and this little man has brought my life!  And because I choose to see the blessings this boy has brought me, I know the other things will one day be a blessing as well!

Our village...Almost immediately after he was born life took off at rapid speeds...I'm pretty sure that happens when you are adding a baby to a family with two other children.  There were swimming lessons to attend and plans for the summer....and off he went with us!  A friend of ours joked that they loved seeing the "Elijah Summer Tour" on Facebook.  However what didn't get noticed was the village of people that came around us and supported us!  I have friends at the beach who would rock him...or hold him while I got the other two situated.  We gained a consistent babysitter which let my husband and I have much needed date nights!  We had people praying for us...bringing us formula...making us meals...loving on us!  It has been such a blessing!

We DON'T all get 24 hours...There is a post in the fitness world that we all get the same 24 hours.  I remember thinking it when we just had the two girls (who were fabulous sleepers at jump) that people would throw around the "I don't have time" excuse...and it was just that.  An excuse.  After this year I now feel like I should apologize to all of them.  We are NOT given the same 24 hours.  Some moms work from home and have to juggle kids from jump until they collapse into bed. Some moms have children with health issues.  Some moms work outside the home and have 1000 other commitments.  Some moms are fighting depression because they can't figure out why they can't just make it work.  There will come a day moms where the priority will shift and you will make exercise work...until then keep plugging away! 

Family...This year has highlighted for me the blessing of this family that my husband and I are growing (done getting any bigger in numbers though thank you very much!).  We have spent a lot more time together doing things and enjoying (and sometimes not enjoying) each other.  It has brought us to a place where our priorities should be and I am so thankful for it!  I have also had the blessing of watching our middle child blossom into the most amazing big sister!  She was made for this!!

Humble...Before this year I was always what I called "half marathon ready".  For me this meant that I was in good enough shape that I could run a half marathon no problem.  It was something that I had worked very hard on and was something I was very proud of.  I picked and prodded at my body but it served me very well and I was healthy.  This year I have struggled to get back into any shape let alone half marathon shape.  Little by little I am getting there....but my appearance on the outside in no way matches how I feel on the inside.  I thought the weight would come off at least by a year like the other two times but as I sit here typing I know that that couldn't be farther from the truth.  It has been humbling...and embarrassing at times...but I am learning about myself and my own strengths.  One day I will look back at the blessing of these lessons (just not quite yet :-) )

This year has taught me so much but more than anything it is that we all needed this blessing in our lives!  This little man is just that...a blessing!  He has completed our family and I look forward to watching him grow into the man he is meant to be!!  Our hands are full but boy you should see our hearts!

Around Here...

If you are wondering where in the heck I have been, let's start with trying to keep up with these 3...

Our little man has taken a deviation from the family in that he is not like his champion sleeping sisters.  He is still waking up at least once in the night!!!  You mamas that deal with this for all your children my heart goes out to you!!!  Sleep deprivation is a torture all in itself!!  I was missing my morning workouts something fierce!!!  He would wake up just as I was about to start or would be up at 2....and then sleep won out!  This past week or so though I have been just pushing through and rededicating to getting those morning workouts in.  I just feel so much better throughout the day instead of having my workout hanging over my head until everyone has gone to bed. 

Speaking of working out, I have started the 80 Day Obsession program by Beachbody.  I was seeing so many people have amazing results, coupled with the fact that I was STRUGGLING to get to the gym because of said sleeping issues.  I toyed with the idea for a while and then BOOM my gym closed...pretty much made the decision for me!! 

I just started week 4 and I am really loving it!  I have done other Beachbody programs in the past but didn't find the workouts super challenging.  These are different!  Plus each workout is different....80 different workouts!  The added bonus is that I got a year subscription to Beachbody OnDemand so I can try out other workouts too.  I am starting to feel good and am thinking I even need to invest in some heavier dumbbells.  I was feeling discouraged by the scale because I really need to lose A LOT but after taking measurements I am down 11 inches overall!!!  BOOM!!!! 

I also registered for Newport 10 Miler coming up in June.  I have to be real with you all....I am SUPER nervous!!!  Running is SUPER hard for me right now.  Between not sleeping and trying to climb my way back, I am nervous what this race will be like. 

I have been putting in my long runs and have about 2 more left before I taper (fun fact...I have only tapered once in the 17 years I have been running races).  I am running with my BRF Jill (she has been with me for all my first post-baby races) so if anything we will have fun!!

So that about sums up what's going on in this corner of my world.  We are reaching the end of the school year and I think we all are really looking forward to Summer!!!  I know I am looking forward to warmer temps and being about to relax around a fire with the hubs...and of course the beach! 

Tell me....what have you been up to???

Monday Motivation

It has been almost a year since little man was born...and it feels like it has been that long since I really posted on here.  Life has been like a runaway train these days and I will completely and fully admit that I let "me" get sucked in and taken away with that too.  I have been honest on here about my struggles with postpartum depression, and to say I am out of the woods would not be completely true.  However, each day I feel like I am getting closer and closer to feeling like me again...being about to laugh more freely...being able to be present and enjoy life.  Needless to say my "sparkle" had been all but lost but lately I have been seeing it glint from time to time.  I need to remember that my family needs my sparkle...and so do I!  Taking that time to fill my tank...to sweat...to laugh...to be me is helping more and more each day.  Don't lose sight of your SPARKLE!  Let it shine!!!

Monday Motivation

With little man back to not sleeping and challenges to every day, I think it's safe to say that times around these parts have been tough....but that fire can't be turned off.  I CAN and I WILL push through each day...I CAN and I WILL stoke that flame each day until it is back to a roaring fire!!  We are tough...and we will get there!!!  I'm not where I want to be but I'll be damned if I choose to stay here!!

Monday Motivation

I will admit that I have been a little stuck in the in-between....between knowing I need to start training for the Newport 10 Miler and feeling exhausted.  Well yesterday I had had enough and I put my money down.  I registered and thus today am on my way training for this race for the 5th time!  It really is a race that is dear to my heart...it runs through my hometown...the views are amazing...and it brings out my grit every time!  I think that is what has me scared...I know that this race is no walk in the park.  I’m ready to get started...to commit to me...to commit to finish what I start!!
Don’t sit in the in between...commit and find out how great you are!!!

TTT

Holy moly it's Thursday!  There is something about a short week...it feels like it is dragging along until BAM it's almost over!!  Here's some randoms for your reading enjoyment!

Across the miles...My BRF Jill and I have been running together for 9 years.  We started running together after I had our oldest lady.  We ran my first post-baby race together in a local 5k.  I didn't know Jill as well then but it was meant to be...even when she told me to push harder because I didn't feel like I was going to puke yet!!  We have run countless miles and races together since then (fun fact is that she has been by my side for all my "first post-baby" races and will be there in June for Newport)!  It was much easier to meet up and run when we lived close to each other, but now I'm on the Cape and she's jamming out north of Boston.  This past weekend we came up with a plan to encourage each other to get moving without actually being together.

We told each other our goals and have been texting each other to make sure we follow through!  I know that if I get that text and am sitting on the couch or pushing snooze, then she'll know (she knows everything!)  I love it!!!

Oh my Chip Gaines...Like I needed another reason to love the Gaines, now Chip is running a marathon! 

If you follow him on Instagram you will get a few laughs as he embarks on the journey of 26.2!  He has a good sense of humor about the pain of it all!  He's getting his inspiration and advice from accomplished runner and cancer warrior Gabe Grunewald.

I'm excited to follow this journey especially since they are adding to their already big crew along the way!!

Operation Hydration...One healthy habit that I started many years ago that has stuck more than anything with me is making sure I am drinking enough water.  My husband carries a gallon of water around with him all day, so when we started dating I took a page from his book and decided that hydration was something I could do!  If you see me at work...at the beach...pretty much anywhere I have water with me! 

The lineup plus my morning shake!

My students notice even when I don't have my water with me...and often times ask me if I forgot it somewhere (which is always a possibility).  Doctors recommend that you drink at least half your body weight in good ole H2O so get chugging!  You will feel so much better I promise!!!...once you are done with your 18th trip to the potty!!

Rounding Out a Decade

Monday was my birthday...my 39th birthday.  I went out for a run yesterday morning and started thinking about the last decade of my life and about how I wanted that decade to end.  I began my 30s feeling the same way I do today...I'm discouraged with how I look/feel...I'm in the worst shape I have been in since I was 30 (I had my oldest child just weeks before I turned 30)...I'm embarrassed.  I began this decade as a new mom.  I have spent this decade of life growing our family...literally in my body.  I have carried 4 babies, one of which we will meet one day in heaven.  I have gained 50+lbs three times.  I have stretched my stomach, and unfortunately the rest of my body, to sizes I didn't know it could reach!  I have had surgery three times to meet our beautiful babies.  I have also lost 60+lbs twice....battled postpartum depression twice and am currently doing so again.  To say I have challenged my body during this decade would be an understatement!!

As I was running along, it got me thinking about what I wanted this year to be....do I want it to be an extension of the blah that I have been feeling lately (overweight and exhausted) or do I want this last year of 30 to be an exclamation point on a decade of physical challenges?  I choose the later!!  I choose that I am going to end this decade with an exclamation point!  I will NOT let depression win!  I will NOT quit trying to get back into shape!  I will NOT just quit...I can do this!!!  Here is a picture from one of my first big races after having my oldest...

I was petrified because it was a big race full of a million and one hills.  I chose this picture to reflect on because I am about 9 months postpartum in this picture...2 months more than I am right now.  I chose this picture to motivate me.  No I wasn't in the shape I wanted to be in but DAMN I was a lot closer than I am today!!  Taking short steps, my first goal is to be in this place in 2 months...in March my goal is to be here! 

Don't you worry....I have another picture for the next 3 months!!!

Fitness Friday...What You Tell Yourself

I will fully admit that I am my own worst enemy.  If others around me talked to me like I talk to myself....well let's just say we would no longer be friends. 

I am hard on myself in all aspects of my life (especially lately when all the wheels are falling off the Fancy bus almost daily) but especially hard on myself when it comes to fitness and weight loss.  It is almost as if I choose to accept myself the way that I am now, I almost fear the weight won't come off! 

My goal for my girls, and my son too, is for them to love themselves.  I am always aware how I am talking to them about being healthy...about trying their best...about being proud of themselves. 

However I do not extend the same grace to myself.  When it comes to fitness and weight loss journeys, it is so crucial that you believe in yourself.  That you know that at the end of each day you tried your best and that was enough! 

I really noticed this yesterday out on my runch with a coworker/friend of mine.  The miles flew by and I felt awesome about it when we got back to school.  Yes I was a hot sweaty mess but I felt really positive about the run.

Just a few days before...same route...but solo.  I let so many negative thoughts in about me as a runner and frankly the run stunk!  I stopped a bunch of times to walk and felt discouraged about my progress.  Positive talk and positive people around you can make such a difference!  This weekend I think I am going to start compiling sayings and images for a vision board for next to my treadmill.  A board of positive things to look at when the negative creeps in! 

Be your biggest cheerleader!!!  You can do this!!

TTT

Ahhhh!  It's Thursday!  It's been so long since I have been able to dish randomness your way!!  I am working off very little sleep so really random is the name of the game today! 

Foot funk...Our oldest daughter...our beautiful girl...has the stinkiest feet I have ever smelled!  Seriously she kills her shoes! 

I have tried washing her sneakers and Uggs...using Lysol...shoe spray...nothing takes the smell away!  Part of the problem is that she is not a fan of socks...I feel her pain...but usually the socks can trap the smell!  Yesterday she had on a pair of Sketchers and they just about killed everyone in the house!  I thought we were waving the white flag on the shoes until I caught a faint smell this morning...yup she had the shoes on for school today!!  These are so bad that I honestly contemplated dropping the girls off and going back home to get her different shoes (we live about 30 minutes one way from school)!!  No can do but I have been praying all day that no one smells them!!!  Any suggestions for getting rid of really tough foot smell???

Winter in New England...The weather here lately has been...well very typical of weather in New England!  The last few weeks have been dangerously below zero...like don't leave the house with any exposed skin or it will certainly chip off your body!  Today and tomorrow however it is above 40!!!  I was so excited getting out the door for school not wearing a jacket and all the other accessories that I needed last week!  It's a heat wave!!

 

Hang tight thought because I'm sure it will change soon.  After all it is only January!

Sleep precious sleep...Our two girls were sleep champions.  They slept through the night after just 4 months and really haven't given us an issue to speak of since as long as they are healthy.  Next comes the little man.  Right on cue at about 3 months he was sleeping some big chunks.  I thought he was following in his sisters' footsteps and would be a great sleeper too!  I thought I had dodged the bullet that so many moms talk about....until I didn't!  I love the little man but he is up at least once if not twice in the middle of the night.  He eats and is back to sleep but sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep!  A few nights ago I figured I would stay up and do 4 loads of laundry!  The downfall is that I am ALWAYS tired...and so is my husband who helps but making the bottle.  It's tricky because we should let him cry it out but he is in the room with his sister who has to go to school the next day. 

I am ready to go crazy!  I am missing my morning workouts because I am barely falling back to sleep when my alarm is ready to go off at 4.  I am dragging through my night workouts (or missing them completely because I fall asleep) because I am so tired!!!!!  I am thinking that I just need to stay up after his last feeding and workout then...even if it's 3am!  I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I am at that point.  I'm not losing weight...I'm not getting in super workouts...I'm not sleeping...yeah recipe for a crazy mother runner!  Do any of you have any suggestions???  Anyone else struggle with this???

Mantra Time!

Usually every year along with my goals I pick a word or phrase to focus on during the year...something to repeat to myself when things get hard to keep me pushing.  I remember back several years ago when I was at the Runner's World Half listening to Deena Kastor talk about mantras. 

She talked about making sure they don't have any negative things in them because when you are dog tired and just trying to finish, your mantra may turn against you.  For example, Don't Quit when fatigue sets in could be reduced to just Quit.  I certainly don't need motivation to stop pushing my legs these days!!

This past week I have been thinking about my goals and what I really want to focus on when I am doing my workouts and trying to motivate myself to get going.  I think to look at this next year as a big picture it is very overwhelming...lose a significant amount of weight, get back to distance running, purge and organize our house/life...wowzer!  However if I just take it piece by piece...what I can do today...and repeat that over and over...this time next year I will be where I want to be! 

This year I am going back to a phrase that I have used before...and it really is something that I can apply not only to running and weight loss but also to things around my house...to relationships...to life. 

Finish What You Started

A push to keep going until I get to the finish no matter what that finish line is!  This year I WILL finish what I start!!!

Have you ever chosen a word or phrase for the year?  What is yours?

Goals for 2018

I love new years...new school years and new calendar years!  I love new planners with special markers...anything that I can color code and make me at least look like I have my shit together!  Here we are in a new year and I'm ready to make this a year of the badass Fancy Nancy!  I mean not only is this 2018 but it is also my last year in a certain age group....so why not make it fabulous!

Looking back on last year's goals it was very simple...Relax...have a healthy pregnancy...invest in healthy relationships.  I would say best 2 out of 3.  Baby boy was born and was super healthy...I have been able to really invest in some healthy relationships around me and I am really feeling the love...however relaxing is still a struggle.  I mean 3 kids is a friggin CIRCUS!!!

I split my goals into 3 different categories...running/fitness, nutrition/weight loss, and life.  Here you have it!!

Running/fitness:

• Run 1000 miles.  I know this will be a challenge this year since I am currently fighting the running kiss of death known as plantar faciitis, but I also know that I can do this!
• Run Newport 10 Miler.  I love this race and I was sad to not be able to run it last year ( I was a little busy healing after my c-section).  I'm excited to have a race to train for!
• Heal my foot and gain strength...both mental and physical.  This mama needs to get her grit back!
• Lift weights 3x a week...I know that injury free running is in weight training and make my structure strong!

Nutrition/Weight loss:

• Lose 50lbs...I know that is a big number but believe me I need it!!!  
• Eat clean, whole foods...foods that make my body not only smaller but HEALTHY
• Get our children to make good food choices...I know it comes from the top and if I can be a good example, they will follow.

Life:

• Collect memories not things...Last year it was all about decluttering.  Yes we still need to do that (my goal for January is to fill 1 trash bag a day) but I am looking forward to having fun experiences with our family
• Lower the pressure...enjoy the roller coaster!  This is our last baby and he is already 7 months old!!!  I just need to remind myself to breathe....and enjoy!

• Be intentional about spending time with the people I love...Time speeds by and I need to be more intentional about taking time to spend with those around me...plan dates for my husband and I to have fun together...have girls nights..etc

Cheers to a new year!!!  What are some of your goals in 2018???

Is This Thing Still On?

After a long time of trying to carve out time to post, I stopped....gave myself the grace that I needed...and took one thing off my plate.  In that time though...I really feel like I lost a part of me.  I've missed posting...and the accountability that goes along with it.  It has been amazing time with my family and adding a new bundle to the crew but I have certainly put my health on the back burner. Soo Happy New Year I'm back!!  And how nice of 2018 to fall on a Monday!!  Nothing like a new year to give you a kick in the pants! I have many goals this year that I will post about tomorrow, but for now I am trying to land on a word...a mantra for the new year.

I know I have a long way to go to feeling (and looking) like myself again but I know that I am worth it...I am going to make myself so proud!!!

What are you going to do this year to make yourself proud?