...are the hardest to make. I am a classic yesser....I say yes to anything especially if it has to do with work. I somehow have this problem where I just can't say no. Yesterday I finished my calendar for the next few months...it takes awhile for two reasons. 1. It is color coded (Are you really surprised?) and 2. As mentioned above I can't say no so it is really full. Well looking at my calendar, an old familiar feeling came back. Medical professionals would call it a panic attack...I usually call it my chest pain eye twitch phase. I do it every time!!! There are weeks when I will go days in a row and not see Emma ALL DAY!
Well since I cannot bag out on my commitments, I am going to go on as it is but I am coming to terms with some big decisions that I have to make this semester. About a month ago I put it out there that I was going to apply and begin a doctoral program in the Fall. I wanted to push through and keep going while I was already in school mode. The hope was that in just 3 additional years I would be able to have any job I would want as far as degrees. Part of this decision was a little selfish for me too. Many of the people that I work with are go-getters. They are on the rise and unfortunately are willing to step on any fallen soldiers on their way up the ladder. I did not want to be a rung on their ladder or even let them catch up. Well...they are not my family and their opinion is not what I should be caring about. I LOVE being a Mom and truth be told, there would be nothing more I would love than to pick just one part-time job (I have 3 in addition to my full-time job) and spend the rest of my time with Emma and focusing on my family. Even saying that I feel pulled....pulled by wanting to succeed and not miss out on an opportunity in one direction and pulled by the desire to be the best Mom and wife I can be in the other. With all that being said, I am deciding to put my doctorate on hold for right now. If I am meant to be a Doctor of Ed. somewhere down the road, it will work, but right now my focus and energy needs to be on making my family stronger. A year has flown by so fast and I would never forgive myself if 3 more flew by and I missed them!
Sometimes the right decisions are the hardest....why?
I am the same way! I always say yes and try to figure things out later :-)
ReplyDeleteOh the balance of being a Mom and ambition... It is so tough. But I think that you can never go wrong when you follow your heart!!
ReplyDeleteLove the logo!! Thanks!
why - because we want it all and we can't have it all. Especially balancing the mom thing. I agree with Mel.
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