Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Are we ever content?

I'm so sorry for being nonexistent lately! I have really been deep in thought about the word contentment. I swear I have written this post in my head about a thousand times and it always sounds like I'm just a little crazy! I mean this word has caused me to have panic attacks even when I am running! Either way here I go!

I have been in school the last 2 1/2 years getting my CAGS degree in Educational Leadership. A CAGS is between a master's and a doctorate. This past summer many people in our group were talking about going on to continue on to Northeastern to the doctoral program. My quote exactly at that time was "No chance in hell! My husband would divorce me for even asking!" Well fast forward to last month when my husband says..."Have you thought about going on to get your doctorate? I mean we are already in school mode". Picture my FLOORED and SPEECHLESS. This doesn't happen often. Well this has led to my month long study of the word contentment and what it has meant in my life.

I looked back in my life and I can honestly say I have never just been content with something until I became a Mom, however I now desire to be the best Mom for Emma every day! This lack of contentment at first made me very sad. I mean we are looking at 30 years here! I have a habit of doing something and then mulling over how I could have done it better and when I am going to try it again! I then went from sad to envious of those who could just reach their goal and be content. (now you can see why this took me so long to post!) I would love to run a marathon and be happy I finished and not beat myself up over the time. I would love to look in the mirror and be thankful for a healthy body void of deformities and serious injuries. My question is then....are we ever content?

This has always been something we all would joke about with me and it never hit me until my friend commented on something I said. I told her that after I finished my doctorate I would never have to go back to school again. To that she laughed and said "Yeah right! You'll think of something else!" I want to be a good example for Emma and show her that she can accomplish anything if she works hard, but I also want to teach her to enjoy the journey and be content when she reaches that goal. How do I do that if I am not living it? UGH! I still have no answers other than I am going to apply for the program at Northeastern. I have 3 more years and then I will once and for all be done with school. I also have 3 more years to work on this whole contentment thing.

But of course I am thankful!!!
1. I am thankful for answered prayers even when I am so not deserving sometimes!!! We have been very tight in the budget area lately and yesterday I was asked to teach a course for another school district for 3 times the amount that I usually get paid!!
2. I am so thankful for my baby girl! She is just such a joy every day! I can't believe that tomorrow she is 11 months makes me so sad but it also makes me soak in every second I can get with her! She has become such a loving and sweet little girl!
3. I am also so thankful for my hubby! He is so flexible to help me get to the gym whenever I need to. He's great and is so amazing with Emma too!
4. I am thankful that my niece is feeling much better. She had "the oink" and then got pneumonia. She is much better now and that leads me to my final and major thing I am thankful for today....
5. I get to go visit my family this weekend!!!!!!!! I was going to go last weekend but everyone was sick. I can't wait to see them and have Emma play everyone!!!!

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